I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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