i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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