at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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