I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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