turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
