U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
