I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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