if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
