drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
