Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
