i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
