omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
