Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
