my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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