no, he came in my armpit
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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