My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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