Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
