oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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