his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
