I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i already hear my dad disowning me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
