Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
