I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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