i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
