you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
