seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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