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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
