If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
