last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
