She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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