So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
