As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
