no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
