Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
