Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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