where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
