I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
