Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
