remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
