Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
