Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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