i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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