I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize