the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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