Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
