hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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