Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
