It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize