Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
