the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
