I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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