i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize