Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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