if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
