If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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